A Cheesy Paradise: It’s National Cheeseburger Day

IMG_3750Seeing that I originally interpreted the lyrics to Wes Walker’s “Jordan Belfort” as “I been getting dirty money Jordan Belfort / Stacking penny stocks while I’m flipping these burgs,” I thought it would be appropriate to write about National Cheeseburger Day. Mark September 18th on your calendar, people, this is not a drill.

This greasy and delicious, albeit messy holiday deserves our utmost respect and devotion to all things cheese and meat. My dad’s birthday is on July 4th, so I began to love red, white and blue at a very early age. My affinity for patriotism sprouted around the same time a perfectly charred burger, oozing melted cheese atop a toasted sesame bun throne, entered my mouth. As evidenced by cultural icons Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé, cheeseburgers can be a girl’s best friend.

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You see, friendship is like a burger. It’s rare. And that’s how I like it.

One of my best friends is a vegetarian. When I asked her about National Cheeseburger Day, she said she’d still participate in the festivities sans patty. As in she’s going to ask, “may I please have a cheeseburger without the burger?” At first, this sounded pretty crazy to me. But in reality, she’s simply asking for a grilled cheese, which is also a respectable alternative to a cheeseburger.

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For dessert she could eat a bunch of those Spongebob Gummy Krabby Patties which exude wonderful memories of Halloween sugar highs.

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But for the real omnivore like myself, I can’t be satisfied with candy replicas of the great American barbecue burger. Personally, I enjoy a runny egg with mounds of crispy bacon on top of my cheeseburger. It’s both a breakfast sandwich and a burger at the same time. What else could you possibly want in life?

All I want is five (attractive) guys, unlimited burgers, and so many fries I could drown in a sea of carbs and ketchup. I want a frosty beverage to shake my shack. And I want a restaurant so fast that I’m in-n-out in the blink of an eye. Is that too much to ask for? America doesn’t think so.

Life is like a cheeseburger. It’s what you make it. So let’s make it rock.

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Don’t worry about the grease, just live in the moment. We’re all savages. Embrace the facts and ask the waiter, “I’m not very hungry; just gimme a double Polar Burger wit’ everything and a cherry soda wit’ chocolate ice cream.”

If Danny Zuko did it, so can you. Enjoy the cheesy festivities!

Image via caileymarie